Masters of Love – The Secret of Lasting Relationships

Just how kind and generous are you in your couple? Would you consciously condemn your partner to greater susceptibility to chronic or disabling disease by withholding kindness and/or generosity?

“People who give their partner the cold shoulder — deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally — damage the relationship by making their partner feel worthless and invisible, as if they’re not there, not valued. And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner’s ability to fight off viruses and cancers. Being mean is the death knell of relationships.

“Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together. Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved. “My bounty is as boundless as the sea,” says Shakespeare’s Juliet. “My love as deep; the more I give to thee, / The more I have, for both are infinite.” That’s how kindness works too: there’s a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship.”

Examine the whole of this compelling article by Emily Esfahani Smith here.

RELATIONAL GEOMETRY

eros & psyche

That complex set of corollaries and theorems that pertain to our relationships.  How our birth family experience impacts our loves, our workplace environments, and our families of choice from nuclear to greater community.  Why and how we fall in love and how we sustain or abandon the Lover.

Relational Geometry is the soft science of seeing relationships through the multiple lenses of codependence, object relations theory, family systems, birth order, projection, and ideas of compensation, the conscious and unconscious, and even Shadow, this side, and the other side.  Of course our relationships are additionally influenced by our temperaments, our spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and instinctual bodies and our capacity for compassion and empathy.

Myers-Briggs testing and pop-psychology references to Mars and Venus draw upon its tenets.  At its furthest extent it might even include religious impulses from Taoism and Buddhism to Non-Duality, from mono-theism to post-modern deconstructionist models for in essence what isn’t contained in Relational Geometry.

Just saying… it is not unlike any other three dimensional systems theory as in all things from micro to macrocosm, from the myopic to the kaleidoscopic – it is all about relationship.  So when your mental health begins to move from comfortable complacence to something a little more ill at ease, be sure to not leave out a careful consideration of the Relational Geometry that has moved through your life.  Be careful to take stock of the present dissonance and patterns of expansion and contraction, holding and release.

And ever bear in mind that All is Love, There is No Separation, and we really are ALL ONE.  <3<3<3

Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

Helping Unhappy Couples

An array of subtle, and often-misunderstood, mental, physical and emotional factors that can upset the equilibrium of even the happiest marriages.

Now we have consulted marriage counselors and geriatricians to find out what caregivers — either the grown children of the couple, or one of the spouses involved– can do to help restore peace and balance to these relationships. The experts consulted uniformly agreed that even older people can at least take steps to reduce tensions and improve their relationship, even if they cannot actually change. (Really, who can, at any age?)

This article is full of cogent advise that is good for couples at any age and some specifically for the couple in their golden years.  For the entire New York Times article by Susan Seliger go here.

Married, with Infidelities–Dan Savage on the Virtues of Infidelity

What is the benefit of marriage? … stability.  The rest is negotiable.

New York Times contributor, Mark Oppenheimer, introduces us to the work of Dan Savage who has much to say about the contemporary outer limits of committed relationship.

Go here and learn the advantages of good, giving, and game and so much more.

Brain Study Reveals Secrets of Staying Madly in Love

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Researchers compared the brain scans of long-term married individuals to the scans of individuals who have recently fallen in love. Surprisingly, the results revealed similar activity in specific brain regions for both long-term, intense romantic love and couples in early-stage romantic love. These particular brain regions could be the clue to why certain couples stay madly in love years, even decades, later.

For the entire online Psychology Today article go HERE